I wonder what Jesus thinks of this?
Monday, November 21, 2005
WHAT GRIEVES MY HEART
What Grieves My Heart
The more time I spend in new environments in this Bay Area the more I notice things that grieve my heart. I see things that I believe would make the Father sad wherever I go. I see poverty and homelessness, addiction and hopelessness. Actually, hopelessness and despair exist throughout this land, with the rich and poor and the in between. You’ve got your drugs and alcohol. You’ve got your couples with failing marriages. You’ve got single Moms and wayward Dads. You’ve got Moms cheating on husbands. You’ve got the lifeless people, looking good on the outside but dead on the inside, working 9 to 5 or maybe 5 to 9. You’ve got women paralyzed by fear they are not pretty enough. You’ve got men in San Quentin praying for parole. You’ve got men on the streets addicted to speed realizing their Father doesn’t know how to love them.
But there is one thing that I just can’t get over…the kids. As I write this I see two youngsters being held by their Dad as he yells at them for being too loud. The boy begins to cry. Two of the most amazing young teenage women I know do not have Fathers living with them. One of them has not had a Father for most of her young life. I spoke with a young mother the other day who could not get her baby to stop crying. Moments later I saw her sitting with a man outside, both of them puffing smoke into the stroller. I watched the baby breathe the air, not knowing what was happening. I found out later the mother is mentally ill.
Through Isaiah over and over I read about the orphan that is not being cared for. The City of Jerusalem has forgotten the orphan, and God is not pleased, to say the least.
The children…they can’t defend themselves. They can’t teach themselves. They can’t help themselves. Who will be their advocate? Who will be their friend?
The more time I spend in new environments in this Bay Area the more I notice things that grieve my heart. I see things that I believe would make the Father sad wherever I go. I see poverty and homelessness, addiction and hopelessness. Actually, hopelessness and despair exist throughout this land, with the rich and poor and the in between. You’ve got your drugs and alcohol. You’ve got your couples with failing marriages. You’ve got single Moms and wayward Dads. You’ve got Moms cheating on husbands. You’ve got the lifeless people, looking good on the outside but dead on the inside, working 9 to 5 or maybe 5 to 9. You’ve got women paralyzed by fear they are not pretty enough. You’ve got men in San Quentin praying for parole. You’ve got men on the streets addicted to speed realizing their Father doesn’t know how to love them.
But there is one thing that I just can’t get over…the kids. As I write this I see two youngsters being held by their Dad as he yells at them for being too loud. The boy begins to cry. Two of the most amazing young teenage women I know do not have Fathers living with them. One of them has not had a Father for most of her young life. I spoke with a young mother the other day who could not get her baby to stop crying. Moments later I saw her sitting with a man outside, both of them puffing smoke into the stroller. I watched the baby breathe the air, not knowing what was happening. I found out later the mother is mentally ill.
Through Isaiah over and over I read about the orphan that is not being cared for. The City of Jerusalem has forgotten the orphan, and God is not pleased, to say the least.
The children…they can’t defend themselves. They can’t teach themselves. They can’t help themselves. Who will be their advocate? Who will be their friend?
Saturday, November 19, 2005
THE MAN
THE MAN
The man is funny.
He says things that will make you laugh.
The man is sweaty.
He appears to have been in the heat for some time.
The man is scary.
He makes young ladies with Bibles walk away.
The man is loud.
He does not seem to remember traditional social norms.
The man is happy.
He remembers the woman who appreciated his presence.
The man is sad.
He believes that he will soon die.
The man is drunk.
He lives on beer, which he pays for by asking for money on street corners.
The man is friendly.
He quickly smiles at the people he meets.
The man is sleepy.
He throws himself onto a couch and instantly falls asleep.
The man is addicted.
He begins to sober up and asks me for a dollar.
The man is willing.
He throws his can to the curb to gain entry to the room.
The man is able.
He helps us arrange groceries to give to the community.
The man is gone.
He can’t stay in the room with the friends and the food…
It is time for more beer.
The man is funny.
He says things that will make you laugh.
The man is sweaty.
He appears to have been in the heat for some time.
The man is scary.
He makes young ladies with Bibles walk away.
The man is loud.
He does not seem to remember traditional social norms.
The man is happy.
He remembers the woman who appreciated his presence.
The man is sad.
He believes that he will soon die.
The man is drunk.
He lives on beer, which he pays for by asking for money on street corners.
The man is friendly.
He quickly smiles at the people he meets.
The man is sleepy.
He throws himself onto a couch and instantly falls asleep.
The man is addicted.
He begins to sober up and asks me for a dollar.
The man is willing.
He throws his can to the curb to gain entry to the room.
The man is able.
He helps us arrange groceries to give to the community.
The man is gone.
He can’t stay in the room with the friends and the food…
It is time for more beer.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Urine on my shoe
I was in SF the other day having a conversation with a man who is addicted to speed. He has been living on the streets for several years now, and during those years his record for staying off speed is 10 months. He started doing it after his girlfriend left him. He was devastated and moved into a "speed house", and the rest is history. The striking thing about this man is that he seems to have so much going for him...good looking guy, clean cut, articulate, intelligent. He was studing art and photography at a well known school. At this point he seems to be enslaved and stuck in an endless nightmare. He speaks of the pain that devastates him each and every day.
While I was listening to his story, an elderly lady appeared, hunched over with a walker and a small white dog on a leash, shuffling along. She stopped about fifteen feet away from the line, the line to sign up to receive a box of groceries on this Monday morning. She asked if she was at the end of the line. As she was obviously not anywhere near the line, several people motioned to her to move towards the actual line. The bearded man who claims that the system is designed to control people like himself who are on medication quickly helped her find her place. He showed a sincerity in his assistance of the woman that struck me. It was as if he genuinely cared for her and didn't mind taking a small piece of his day to help her however he could. He actually really wanted to help her. Just then as my new friend who is addicted to speed was continuing his amazing life story, the elderly lady's dog approached me. I continued to listen, yearning to communicate with my body and face that I truly do care about this story, but then something happened. I first realized it when my friend Mark looked at me and seemed to be holding back a smile or laugh. This was odd because we were in the middle of an intense conversation, and Mark is not the type of person to be distracted and laugh at an inappropriate moment. I suddenly realized...the dog was urinating on my shoes. My only pair of black shoes...the shoes I usually wear into the City. I really like those shoes, and since I had taken a vow to not buy myself any clothes for a year, this wasn't what I was hoping to see as I looked down towards the ground. However, at the same time, I realized how unconsequential my shoes really are. Here is a man tormented by his addictions, struggling with his relationship with his father, holding onto a dream of publishing photographs, living on the streets of San Francisco.
"May your Kingdom come, on earth, as it is in Heaven."
While I was listening to his story, an elderly lady appeared, hunched over with a walker and a small white dog on a leash, shuffling along. She stopped about fifteen feet away from the line, the line to sign up to receive a box of groceries on this Monday morning. She asked if she was at the end of the line. As she was obviously not anywhere near the line, several people motioned to her to move towards the actual line. The bearded man who claims that the system is designed to control people like himself who are on medication quickly helped her find her place. He showed a sincerity in his assistance of the woman that struck me. It was as if he genuinely cared for her and didn't mind taking a small piece of his day to help her however he could. He actually really wanted to help her. Just then as my new friend who is addicted to speed was continuing his amazing life story, the elderly lady's dog approached me. I continued to listen, yearning to communicate with my body and face that I truly do care about this story, but then something happened. I first realized it when my friend Mark looked at me and seemed to be holding back a smile or laugh. This was odd because we were in the middle of an intense conversation, and Mark is not the type of person to be distracted and laugh at an inappropriate moment. I suddenly realized...the dog was urinating on my shoes. My only pair of black shoes...the shoes I usually wear into the City. I really like those shoes, and since I had taken a vow to not buy myself any clothes for a year, this wasn't what I was hoping to see as I looked down towards the ground. However, at the same time, I realized how unconsequential my shoes really are. Here is a man tormented by his addictions, struggling with his relationship with his father, holding onto a dream of publishing photographs, living on the streets of San Francisco.
"May your Kingdom come, on earth, as it is in Heaven."
Monday, October 17, 2005
The Cobalt Season
I won't usually use this blog to pimp CD's, but I really dig this album my friend Ryan Sharp created. If you are into the folk/acoustic/indie thing, you will dig it. Great sound...honest, raw, challenging lyrics. I think with my love of this album I've officially moved past my hardcore/screamo stage...probably a good thing.
Check it out at www.thecobaltseason.com
Have 2, Give 1
When some people asked John the Baptist what they should do as he was telling them to repent (turn around to a new way), he said that whoever had 2 coats should give to the one who has none...pretty simple stuff. Jesus later speaks of giving away ALL our possessions...let's face it, that's a pretty crazy idea.
Some of us are trying to wrestle with these teachings see what happens. We are trying a Have 2, Give 1 project. We are going to call people to give away their stuff! We are giving some directly to people who need it and we are selling some and giving the profits to the poor. If anyone is in the Bay Area and is interested, let me know. We are having dinner at my house on Saturday night to discuss and plan, and we are having a garage sale at my house on October 29. I'm excited to see what happens. May Jesus use our litte projects and ideas for His glory and His purposes.
Some of us are trying to wrestle with these teachings see what happens. We are trying a Have 2, Give 1 project. We are going to call people to give away their stuff! We are giving some directly to people who need it and we are selling some and giving the profits to the poor. If anyone is in the Bay Area and is interested, let me know. We are having dinner at my house on Saturday night to discuss and plan, and we are having a garage sale at my house on October 29. I'm excited to see what happens. May Jesus use our litte projects and ideas for His glory and His purposes.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
How to make a homeless person smile
This morning Andrea, Kayla and I joined our friends Tony and Amethyst and their 2 kids to pass out food and clothes to people at Baldwin Park here in Concord. Andrea dished up some serious amounts of gravy, and I ended up spending most of the time following Kayla around the park and she trotted around and made friends with everyone in the park. It was amazing. Kayla would walk up to people with her big smile, and everyone just melted. Old, young, black, white, Hispanic...they all lit up when they saw her. They all said hi and tried to talk to her. They all told me how cute she is. For a brief moment in time everyone was so happy.
Kayla doesn't know that some people are looked down upon in our society. She doesn't realize that some people are obviously homeless. She isn't scared by older men with rotting teeth and scruffy gray beards and tattered clothes. She doesn't care if people speak Spanish instead of English. She doesn't care if people have dark skin. She doesn't care if they smoke or if the cuss. She just walks up to people and smiles. Perhaps we could all learn a thing or two from my fifteen month old girl.
I am hoping I can see people get excited about spending time at this park in Concord. A Lutheran church brings food and clothes the third Saturday of each month. I would love to organize something similar the fourth week of each month. May God lead the way.
PS - I have much to write about from my time in Israel and New Mexico (Emergent Gathering). I'll post more this week.
Kayla doesn't know that some people are looked down upon in our society. She doesn't realize that some people are obviously homeless. She isn't scared by older men with rotting teeth and scruffy gray beards and tattered clothes. She doesn't care if people speak Spanish instead of English. She doesn't care if people have dark skin. She doesn't care if they smoke or if the cuss. She just walks up to people and smiles. Perhaps we could all learn a thing or two from my fifteen month old girl.
I am hoping I can see people get excited about spending time at this park in Concord. A Lutheran church brings food and clothes the third Saturday of each month. I would love to organize something similar the fourth week of each month. May God lead the way.
PS - I have much to write about from my time in Israel and New Mexico (Emergent Gathering). I'll post more this week.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Off to Israel
I fly to Israel tomorrow, and I'll be there for 13 days. Check out followtherabbi.com to get a glimpse. I fly into L.A. on October 10 and then hop on a flight to New Mexico for the Emergent Gathering.
So I probably won't post much (not that I've been all that consistent lately anyway).
So what have I been up to? Some cool things are happening with the "Jesus Dojo" and our first event...IF YOU HAVE 2, GIVE ONE AWAY. If you are in the Bay Area and want to hear more, let me know or check out the ReIMAGINE website.
I've been enjoying spending a little time over at City Team in Oakland. There are some great people working over there who truly love the people of Oakland. I'm excited to see Creekside partner with them this year.
So I probably won't post much (not that I've been all that consistent lately anyway).
So what have I been up to? Some cool things are happening with the "Jesus Dojo" and our first event...IF YOU HAVE 2, GIVE ONE AWAY. If you are in the Bay Area and want to hear more, let me know or check out the ReIMAGINE website.
I've been enjoying spending a little time over at City Team in Oakland. There are some great people working over there who truly love the people of Oakland. I'm excited to see Creekside partner with them this year.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Trusting the Father
My daughter bumped her head tonight and then quickly ran towards me and threw her little head onto my chest. She laid there for a while just wanting me to hold her. It was one of those moments you will remember when she graduates from high school or gets married or something like that.
I was so stoked that she would want me to comfort her, that she would trust me to take care of her in that moment. For a few moments she knew Dad was the only place to turn and he knew best. She threw herself into my arms with abandon. I wish she would always go to me like that.
It may sound simple or trite, but my daughter is daily teaching me how my true Father loves me. I want to trust him with my life in the way my daughter trusted me for a few moments. I want to throw myself into my Abba's arms and let Him comfort me and direct my life wherever He wants it to go.
Friday, September 16, 2005
HONEY, WE'RE RICH!!!
It is so easy to fall into envy and greed. A drive through a nice neighborhood or seeing a new BMW parked next to you or watching Cribs on MTV...and suddenly we don't have enough. The love of the God of the universe and the wonderful family and the health and the beauty of God's creation and a place to sleep and food and a car that runs...really, we are blessed.
God provides for our basic needs every day. He is so good to us.
Check out globalrichlist.com and see how rich you are. It reminded me how very blessed we are.
Thank you God, for taking care of all of our needs.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
TRUST
So I keep getting into positions where I am forced to really trust God. I'm starting a new phase in ministry. I don't know how much money is coming in from support raising. I think some of my friends and family think I'm a little crazy. In the middle of it, this is so good! I have to trust God because I know I can't figure it all out and make it happen. God has been reminding me of the Israelites in the Old Testament...as I've looked at their story, I'm always hit by how often is seems like what God really wants is just for them to trust Him. He wants them to stop complaining and freaking out and whining and looking at other ways (and other gods)to make life work and just TRUST HIM.
This week is a big week for me. I've got my first actual public event with ReIMAGINE that I'm helping to make happen (Bay Area Emergent Cohort on Saturday), and I've got a luncheon in Danville on Sunday where I'm hoping explain the vision and passion behind my move to ReIMAGINE and ask people give money to help pay my salary. It's a big week, and I feel like crap. I got this weird flu/throat/head thing that just keeps getting worse...stubborn me wouldn't go to the doctor, and I skipped my chiropractor appointment because I was sick, and I can barely function. My head is so messed up and cloudy I can't even lay down and read a book. I stand up and get dizzy. I'm getting all sweaty again as I type this. I'm constantly coughing up nasty pieces of green flem...you get the picture. I just want to get out and meet with people and make phone calls and set things up, and I can't even think straight. Once again I have to trust that God loves me and that even if I don't get better tomorrow and even if everything bombs this week, He still loves me...and Jesus is still worthy of my love and and my life
This week is a big week for me. I've got my first actual public event with ReIMAGINE that I'm helping to make happen (Bay Area Emergent Cohort on Saturday), and I've got a luncheon in Danville on Sunday where I'm hoping explain the vision and passion behind my move to ReIMAGINE and ask people give money to help pay my salary. It's a big week, and I feel like crap. I got this weird flu/throat/head thing that just keeps getting worse...stubborn me wouldn't go to the doctor, and I skipped my chiropractor appointment because I was sick, and I can barely function. My head is so messed up and cloudy I can't even lay down and read a book. I stand up and get dizzy. I'm getting all sweaty again as I type this. I'm constantly coughing up nasty pieces of green flem...you get the picture. I just want to get out and meet with people and make phone calls and set things up, and I can't even think straight. Once again I have to trust that God loves me and that even if I don't get better tomorrow and even if everything bombs this week, He still loves me...and Jesus is still worthy of my love and and my life
Friday, September 09, 2005
Churches working together
Today I met with an old friend who is now at another local church in the Danville area. His church is linked with a church in Baton Rouge that has become a center for organizing relief over there, so he has a great conduit to a clear way to help and be involved. I was excited to meet with him and put our heads together to help our commuties become involved.
We would like to see churches in the Alamo/Danville area work together instead of separately on helping people. We believe this act of serving together will not only allow us to make a greater impact, but it will help our separate church communities learn to see themselves as God's hands and feet working TOGETHER to bless the world around us. I surely hope and pray that other church communities are open to partnering with us.
We are looking to send supplies and money and also send small groups of volunteers to Baton Rouge. May God use our small efforts to help these people.
May those who follow Jesus learn from the compassion he showed and taught throughout his earthly ministry.
We would like to see churches in the Alamo/Danville area work together instead of separately on helping people. We believe this act of serving together will not only allow us to make a greater impact, but it will help our separate church communities learn to see themselves as God's hands and feet working TOGETHER to bless the world around us. I surely hope and pray that other church communities are open to partnering with us.
We are looking to send supplies and money and also send small groups of volunteers to Baton Rouge. May God use our small efforts to help these people.
May those who follow Jesus learn from the compassion he showed and taught throughout his earthly ministry.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
"Being Poor" by John Scalzi
from http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/
Being Poor
Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.
Being poor is getting angry at your kids for asking for all the crap they see on TV.
Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they're what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there's not an $800 car in America that's worth a ****.
Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.
Being poor is knowing your kid goes to friends' houses but never has friends over to yours.
Being poor is going to the restroom before you get in the school lunch line so your friends will be ahead of you and won't hear you say "I get free lunch" when you get to the cashier.
Being poor is living next to the freeway.
Being poor is coming back to the car with your children in the back seat, clutching that box of Raisin Bran you just bought and trying to think of a way to make the kids understand that the box has to last.
Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn't mind when you ask for help.
Being poor is off-brand toys.
Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.
Being poor is knowing you can't leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.
Being poor is hoping your kids don't have a growth spurt.
Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn't have make dinner tonight because you're not hungry anyway.
Being poor is Goodwill underwear.
Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.
Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.
Being poor is your kid's school being the one with the 15-year-old textbooks and no air conditioning.
Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.
Being poor is relying on people who don't give a damn about you.
Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.
Being poor is finding the letter your mom wrote to your dad, begging him for the child support.
Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.
Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger's trash.
Being poor is making lunch for your kid when a cockroach skitters over the bread, and you looking over to see if your kid saw.
Being poor is believing a GED actually makes a ******** difference.
Being poor is people angry at you just for walking around in the mall.
Being poor is not taking the job because you can't find someone you trust to watch your kids.
Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.
Being poor is not talking to that girl because she'll probably just laugh at your clothes.
Being poor is hoping you'll be invited for dinner.
Being poor is a sidewalk with lots of brown glass on it.
Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.
Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.
Being poor is your kid's teacher assuming you don't have any books in your home.
Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.
Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.
Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually stupid.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually lazy.
Being poor is a six-hour wait in an emergency room with a sick child asleep on your lap.
Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn't bought first.
Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that's two extra packages for every dollar.
Being poor is having to live with choices you didn't know you made when you were 14 years old.
Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.
Being poor is knowing you're being judged.
Being poor is a box of crayons and a $1 coloring book from a community center Santa.
Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.
Being poor is deciding that it's all right to base a relationship on shelter.
Being poor is knowing you really shouldn't spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.
Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.
Being poor is feeling helpless when your child makes the same mistakes you did, and won't listen to you beg them against doing so.
Being poor is a cough that doesn't go away.
Being poor is making sure you don't spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.
Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.
Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.
Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.
Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.
Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.
Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.
Being poor is seeing how few options you have.
Being poor is running in place.
Being poor is people wondering why you didn't leave.
by John Scalzi
Being Poor
Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.
Being poor is getting angry at your kids for asking for all the crap they see on TV.
Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they're what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there's not an $800 car in America that's worth a ****.
Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.
Being poor is knowing your kid goes to friends' houses but never has friends over to yours.
Being poor is going to the restroom before you get in the school lunch line so your friends will be ahead of you and won't hear you say "I get free lunch" when you get to the cashier.
Being poor is living next to the freeway.
Being poor is coming back to the car with your children in the back seat, clutching that box of Raisin Bran you just bought and trying to think of a way to make the kids understand that the box has to last.
Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn't mind when you ask for help.
Being poor is off-brand toys.
Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.
Being poor is knowing you can't leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.
Being poor is hoping your kids don't have a growth spurt.
Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn't have make dinner tonight because you're not hungry anyway.
Being poor is Goodwill underwear.
Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.
Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.
Being poor is your kid's school being the one with the 15-year-old textbooks and no air conditioning.
Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.
Being poor is relying on people who don't give a damn about you.
Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.
Being poor is finding the letter your mom wrote to your dad, begging him for the child support.
Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.
Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger's trash.
Being poor is making lunch for your kid when a cockroach skitters over the bread, and you looking over to see if your kid saw.
Being poor is believing a GED actually makes a ******** difference.
Being poor is people angry at you just for walking around in the mall.
Being poor is not taking the job because you can't find someone you trust to watch your kids.
Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.
Being poor is not talking to that girl because she'll probably just laugh at your clothes.
Being poor is hoping you'll be invited for dinner.
Being poor is a sidewalk with lots of brown glass on it.
Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.
Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.
Being poor is your kid's teacher assuming you don't have any books in your home.
Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.
Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.
Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually stupid.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually lazy.
Being poor is a six-hour wait in an emergency room with a sick child asleep on your lap.
Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn't bought first.
Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that's two extra packages for every dollar.
Being poor is having to live with choices you didn't know you made when you were 14 years old.
Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.
Being poor is knowing you're being judged.
Being poor is a box of crayons and a $1 coloring book from a community center Santa.
Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.
Being poor is deciding that it's all right to base a relationship on shelter.
Being poor is knowing you really shouldn't spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.
Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.
Being poor is feeling helpless when your child makes the same mistakes you did, and won't listen to you beg them against doing so.
Being poor is a cough that doesn't go away.
Being poor is making sure you don't spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.
Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.
Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.
Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.
Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.
Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.
Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.
Being poor is seeing how few options you have.
Being poor is running in place.
Being poor is people wondering why you didn't leave.
by John Scalzi
Monday, September 05, 2005
People dig Jesus
When asked what I do for a living, I used to reply and say that I was a pastor or youth pastor. Some people said I looked too young for that. Some people said, "Oh, that's nice." Some people said, "They pay you to be a pastor to high schoolers?" Some people quickly changed the subject. Some people asked what I did all week and if the kids drove me nuts.
When I say that I work for a non-profit organization that wants to teach people about the ways of Jesus, people are seriously interested. People really want to talk about Jesus and what He said and what His life means to us today. People really dig Jesus...they just really don't dig the thought of going to church. I could go on and on rambling about why, but for now, I'm just excited to tell people what I do and start talking about Jesus. I really like talking about Jesus, and people seem to like talking to me about Jesus, so I'm having some serious fun lately.
When I say that I work for a non-profit organization that wants to teach people about the ways of Jesus, people are seriously interested. People really want to talk about Jesus and what He said and what His life means to us today. People really dig Jesus...they just really don't dig the thought of going to church. I could go on and on rambling about why, but for now, I'm just excited to tell people what I do and start talking about Jesus. I really like talking about Jesus, and people seem to like talking to me about Jesus, so I'm having some serious fun lately.
My wife is amazing
I've realized that being married to me may be just a tad difficult. Besides the clothes left throughout the house, the unwiped dishes, the inability to fix anything related to automobile or house (or really anything), the tendency to lose anything and everything, the forgetfulness that springs up from time to time, the ability to search craigslist for free items for hours and hours...I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to quit my nice, safe, normal youth pastor job with benefits and raise money for a salary to serve with a non-profit organization called ReIMAGINE.
Now, my wife knows that I like to think a little outside the box and dream. She also knows that I know that she likes to plan. She worked in the financial world for four years, and she is the queen of our checkbook and budget. She likes the money to be planned out and under control (she also likes to joke that if she ever died I would not remember how to deposit a check into our account, but that's another story).
So here we are with a lot of money left to find and the last check having come from the church. And how is my wife doing? She is amazing. God has given her a special peace and grace right now that just floors me. Yeah, she's a little scared, but she is okay. She believes we are doing the right thing and that God will take care of us. He will provide for us. The other day I talked to a mentor of mine who told me that a few women had commented to him that they don't know how she is doing it. Why isn't she freaking out? Why is she letting me do this? Isn't she scared? Why isn't she cracking? People know that I'm a little crazy anyway and don't really know or care how much money we have in the bank, but people know that this must be hard on my wife. In her own way she is having a huge impact on people around us. She isn't saying anything. She isn't doing anything but simply trusting God and enjoying life. When my mentor friend told me this, I started to tear up a little (don't know if my friend noticed this or not).
I am so proud of my wife. She is the most incredible blessing I could ever ask for.
Thank you, God, for putting her into my life. Thank you for giving her the grace to hang in there with me. I truly would be a mess without her.
Now, my wife knows that I like to think a little outside the box and dream. She also knows that I know that she likes to plan. She worked in the financial world for four years, and she is the queen of our checkbook and budget. She likes the money to be planned out and under control (she also likes to joke that if she ever died I would not remember how to deposit a check into our account, but that's another story).
So here we are with a lot of money left to find and the last check having come from the church. And how is my wife doing? She is amazing. God has given her a special peace and grace right now that just floors me. Yeah, she's a little scared, but she is okay. She believes we are doing the right thing and that God will take care of us. He will provide for us. The other day I talked to a mentor of mine who told me that a few women had commented to him that they don't know how she is doing it. Why isn't she freaking out? Why is she letting me do this? Isn't she scared? Why isn't she cracking? People know that I'm a little crazy anyway and don't really know or care how much money we have in the bank, but people know that this must be hard on my wife. In her own way she is having a huge impact on people around us. She isn't saying anything. She isn't doing anything but simply trusting God and enjoying life. When my mentor friend told me this, I started to tear up a little (don't know if my friend noticed this or not).
I am so proud of my wife. She is the most incredible blessing I could ever ask for.
Thank you, God, for putting her into my life. Thank you for giving her the grace to hang in there with me. I truly would be a mess without her.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
It's hard to change
So for the last few years I've been thinking more and more about wanting to break out of the materialistic, consumeristic American life I have always led. I don't want to be obsessed with getting the new TV or new clothes or a new CD or DVD. It's so easy to buy things for ourselves to make ourselves happy. Shopping can easily become our favorite hobby. For a few months Andrea and I have been working on getting to a point where we can survive on less income and consume less of everything. We've taken some good steps...canceling cable, using coupons at the grocery store, making lunch and dinner at our house instead of going out, drastically slowing down how much clothes we buy...but last night I reminded myself how far I have to go.
I want a Powerbook or ibook. I REALLY want a Powerbook or ibook. Actually, I really do need one as I make a transition to working with ReIMAGINE and spend more time in coffee shops and BART and no longer have an office. But...it's become an obsession. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent on www.Craigslist.com and www.mac.com in the past couple weeks. I think it is safe to say I am now an expert on used and new versions of Powerbooks and ibooks. I've made offers. I've emailed back and forth with people. I call or email my friend Darin a couple times a day for advice. I've read product reviews. Meanwhile my wife and daughter play in the living room while I look at just one more site or check Craigslist one more time. Last night I hit rock bottom. There was a post on Craigslist about a way to get a free ibook. Of course, these are usually bogus, but I just couldn't let it go. I had to try. To make a long story short, I ended up signing up for a 14 day trial of Real Rhapsody and MyDailyDose (vitamins). For MyDailyDose I had to pay 5.95 for my FREE trial of the vitamins that are going to change my life. The website had led me to believe if I signed up for two deals on one page, I could get the free ibook. But then when I clicked to move on, I found out that I had to sign up for 2 offers on 3 successive pages, and the 3rd page consisted of offers costing hundreds of dollars. So I wasted about 3 hours and $5.95 on the dream of getting a free ibook.
If I would have taken 5 seconds to breathe and rest and pray, I probably would have realized that I should have gone out and talked to my wife, who was working on postcards we are sending out about a luncheon to let people know how they can support us and the work with ReIMAGINE.
What did I learn? It's really, really hard to get out of a consumeristic way of living, and even if I truly do need to buy something, that doesn't mean it is okay to become enamored and obsessed with it.
I want a Powerbook or ibook. I REALLY want a Powerbook or ibook. Actually, I really do need one as I make a transition to working with ReIMAGINE and spend more time in coffee shops and BART and no longer have an office. But...it's become an obsession. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent on www.Craigslist.com and www.mac.com in the past couple weeks. I think it is safe to say I am now an expert on used and new versions of Powerbooks and ibooks. I've made offers. I've emailed back and forth with people. I call or email my friend Darin a couple times a day for advice. I've read product reviews. Meanwhile my wife and daughter play in the living room while I look at just one more site or check Craigslist one more time. Last night I hit rock bottom. There was a post on Craigslist about a way to get a free ibook. Of course, these are usually bogus, but I just couldn't let it go. I had to try. To make a long story short, I ended up signing up for a 14 day trial of Real Rhapsody and MyDailyDose (vitamins). For MyDailyDose I had to pay 5.95 for my FREE trial of the vitamins that are going to change my life. The website had led me to believe if I signed up for two deals on one page, I could get the free ibook. But then when I clicked to move on, I found out that I had to sign up for 2 offers on 3 successive pages, and the 3rd page consisted of offers costing hundreds of dollars. So I wasted about 3 hours and $5.95 on the dream of getting a free ibook.
If I would have taken 5 seconds to breathe and rest and pray, I probably would have realized that I should have gone out and talked to my wife, who was working on postcards we are sending out about a luncheon to let people know how they can support us and the work with ReIMAGINE.
What did I learn? It's really, really hard to get out of a consumeristic way of living, and even if I truly do need to buy something, that doesn't mean it is okay to become enamored and obsessed with it.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Pray for me
If you are reading this please pray for me. I am in the middle of transitioning from a secure full-time youth pastor position to raising support to work with a non-profit. The day to have the money taken care of looms in the distance, coming quickly.
May I have the faith and trust to believe that God is going to catch us, that God would not take us this far into a beautiful situation with ReIMAGINE, and then just drop us and forget us. May I remember that God is good and that He will provide.
May I have the faith and trust to believe that God is going to catch us, that God would not take us this far into a beautiful situation with ReIMAGINE, and then just drop us and forget us. May I remember that God is good and that He will provide.
The Church (and those churches)
"When we have been wounded by the Church, our temptation is to reject it. But when we reject the Church it becomes very hard for us to keep in touch with the living Christ. When we say, 'I love Jesus, but I hate the Church,' we end up losing not only the Church but Jesus too." (Henri Nouwen)
Thanks to Dan Kimball's blog for reminding me of this quote by Nouwen. If you are like me you know plenty of people who have been hurt by a local church community. How can we continue to love the Bride of Christ, His Church, when so many are so wounded by the individual local communities. Is it a copout to say that we can love the "Big C", the Church, the Body of Christ, but we can remain angry and bitter towards local churches? Those of us who say we follow Jesus know that Jesus clearly taught to love and to forgive. What would it look like for people to forgive the local church communities that have wounded them? Would it be an important part of their healing process?
Thanks to Dan Kimball's blog for reminding me of this quote by Nouwen. If you are like me you know plenty of people who have been hurt by a local church community. How can we continue to love the Bride of Christ, His Church, when so many are so wounded by the individual local communities. Is it a copout to say that we can love the "Big C", the Church, the Body of Christ, but we can remain angry and bitter towards local churches? Those of us who say we follow Jesus know that Jesus clearly taught to love and to forgive. What would it look like for people to forgive the local church communities that have wounded them? Would it be an important part of their healing process?
Monday, August 15, 2005
Barna's new book Revolution
George Barna, evangelical author and researcher extraordinaire, seems to be making some shifts in his thinking and the focus of how he will spend his life...especially interesting is what he says about the state of the local church in America and its decreasing influence and importance...
Check out a good review at http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/
tallskinnykiwi/2005/08/george_barnas_r.html#more
Check out a good review at http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/
tallskinnykiwi/2005/08/george_barnas_r.html#more
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Spiritual Consumers
For years I've been convinced that Christians in America act as consumers and that this fact has played a major role in the dismal state of the church today. We go to a church because their music is the style we like or the Children's Ministry makes our kids happier or it is easy to find a good parking spot or the lobby is pretty or they have good coffee or er can get in and out without talking to anyone if we don't want to...you get the drift.
I spent part of my morning today at a meeting to discuss changes in the small group structure at the church where I have been on staff for a few years. It was a fascinating meeting, and it got me thinking. Are we all as incredibly selfish and self-centered as we appear to be? Have people always been like this? Everything is about ME, MY and I. What about MY small group? How will I be affected? What if I like my current group? What if I don't like the church curriculum? What if I don't want to change? Will this be convenient for ME? Will there be people who I will like? Will there be people MY age?
I suppose in a sense we must think like this, because each one of us is responsible for our own spiritual growth and maturity. So is it okay to be spiritual consumers? We have to think about ourselves and how we can help ourselves follow Jesus, but there still seems to be something incredibly wrong here. Everyone is looking out for number one. Everyone has such a hard time putting the needs of the many in front of the needs of the few, or the one.
With this attitude is something else that hit me in the face this morning. People in churches don't like to be told what to do. You can suggest something, but don't ever, ever tell me I have to do it. That just wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be convenient, and it wouldn't be appropriate, and I just wouldn't like it, because I can figure it out for myself. Don't try to mess with my life here.
Should today's pastors have the right to say, "Yes, we are all going to do this, and we are going to do it this way at this church"? I for one would be a little scared by this approach. I just may have some problems trusting leaders, and I've seen pastor do some pretty ridiculously stupid things. At the same time,when I read the Bible I can't imagine many of the leaders suggesting some nice things to try...if they seem like a good idea to you.
I spent part of my morning today at a meeting to discuss changes in the small group structure at the church where I have been on staff for a few years. It was a fascinating meeting, and it got me thinking. Are we all as incredibly selfish and self-centered as we appear to be? Have people always been like this? Everything is about ME, MY and I. What about MY small group? How will I be affected? What if I like my current group? What if I don't like the church curriculum? What if I don't want to change? Will this be convenient for ME? Will there be people who I will like? Will there be people MY age?
I suppose in a sense we must think like this, because each one of us is responsible for our own spiritual growth and maturity. So is it okay to be spiritual consumers? We have to think about ourselves and how we can help ourselves follow Jesus, but there still seems to be something incredibly wrong here. Everyone is looking out for number one. Everyone has such a hard time putting the needs of the many in front of the needs of the few, or the one.
With this attitude is something else that hit me in the face this morning. People in churches don't like to be told what to do. You can suggest something, but don't ever, ever tell me I have to do it. That just wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be convenient, and it wouldn't be appropriate, and I just wouldn't like it, because I can figure it out for myself. Don't try to mess with my life here.
Should today's pastors have the right to say, "Yes, we are all going to do this, and we are going to do it this way at this church"? I for one would be a little scared by this approach. I just may have some problems trusting leaders, and I've seen pastor do some pretty ridiculously stupid things. At the same time,when I read the Bible I can't imagine many of the leaders suggesting some nice things to try...if they seem like a good idea to you.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
24
I sure am excited to watch season 4...my wife and I watched our first episode a couple months ago and promptly watched the first 3 seasons on DVD. It would not be unfair to say I have become a little obsessed with the whole thing.
Me: "We gotta watch more tonight. Honey, I can go to Blockbuster right now with the free coupon and get the next disc. We'll just watch one episode...okay, a half an episode...c'mon honey, it's only midnight...?"
Andrea: "Whatever you say..."
Me: "We gotta watch more tonight. Honey, I can go to Blockbuster right now with the free coupon and get the next disc. We'll just watch one episode...okay, a half an episode...c'mon honey, it's only midnight...?"
Andrea: "Whatever you say..."
Fundraising as Ministry
I've been thinking a lot lately about fundraising for ministry, since that is what I am supposedly doing this month. I've never been much of a salesman or a big talker, so that is not exactly the type of fundraiser I will be. A couple months ago I stumbled upon a booklet by Henri Nouwen entitled The Spirituality of Fundraising. I would highly recommend it to anyone thinking about raising funds or support for ministry:
"If we come back from asking someone for money and we feel exhausted and somehow tainted from unspiritual activity, something is wrong. We must not let ourselves be tricked into thinking that fund-raising is only a secular activity. As a form of ministry, fund-raising is as spiritual as giving a sermon, entering a time of prayer, visiting the sick, or feeding the hungry. So fund-raising has to help us with our conversion too. Are we willing to be converted from our fear of asking, our anxiety oabout being rejected or feeling humiliated, our depression when someone says, 'No, I'm not going to get involved with your project'? When we have gained the freedom to ask without fear, to love fund-raising as a form of ministry, then fund-raising will be good for our spiritual life..."
As my friend Mark said the other day, I wish I could write like Nouwen.
"If we come back from asking someone for money and we feel exhausted and somehow tainted from unspiritual activity, something is wrong. We must not let ourselves be tricked into thinking that fund-raising is only a secular activity. As a form of ministry, fund-raising is as spiritual as giving a sermon, entering a time of prayer, visiting the sick, or feeding the hungry. So fund-raising has to help us with our conversion too. Are we willing to be converted from our fear of asking, our anxiety oabout being rejected or feeling humiliated, our depression when someone says, 'No, I'm not going to get involved with your project'? When we have gained the freedom to ask without fear, to love fund-raising as a form of ministry, then fund-raising will be good for our spiritual life..."
As my friend Mark said the other day, I wish I could write like Nouwen.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
First Post
Andrea and I just created this blog so that we can share what is happening with us as we transition into a new phase of life. We plan on posting as often as possible, so please check back and keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
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