Good

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of experiences and emotions. While in the middle of an incredibly difficult couple of weeks, I consistently had encouragement and affirmation come from a variety of sources at the most needed times. Phone calls and emails coming from a wide range of seemingly random people have been an amazement. I have felt a strong belief that the hand of God is in our midst, caring for us just when we need it. I've had so many moments when it has hit me in fresh ways...there really is a God, and He really is at work in the world. He really does care about us.

And yet there is still pain and frustration...I think I've given up trying to have any sort of pat answer or set of bullet points to explain the darkness, evil and pain we all experience in life. I read a friend's blog who is dealing with the death of his baby boy. I have friends battling drug addiction. Other friends are divorced and still reeling. A man is shot to death for telling two kids to stop messing with someone. I talk to people who are homeless and addicted to alcohol without any indication that this will ever change.

I wonder why I felt such encouragement in the midst of pain when I haven't during other similar times in my past, and I talk to people all the time who struggle for any sense of God's presence in the midst of their own "desert experience" as we say.

I just don't know. I just don't get it, but perhaps all I can do is keep living and hold onto the times when I do hear the touch or voice of the Spirit of God. I can be grateful for the little blessings that make up my life. I'm amazed at the friends we have who care for us. I'm amazed that I get to live in such a wonderful city as San Francisco. I'm amazed that we get a paycheck each month. I'm amazed at the family God has given me. I'm amazed at my wife full of faith and beauty. I'm amazed at random emails from people telling me that I am spending my life on worthwhile things. I'm amazed that there is a beautiful sunny sky today and I get to ride my bike to work. I choose to believe that God is good and that the Kingdom of God is bursting forth with energy, despite realities that tell me otherwise.